Recovery

Here's what I do to recover from the hurt.

1) Talk to a supportive friend and vent. I try not to talk to lots of people about it though. I believe too much "venting" gives the hurt too much energy and actually makes it worse.

2) Give myself some space. I put the paper away and put the thoughts "on hold" until I'm clear and, not crying, and not tired. Sometimes I need a few hours, sometimes a few days.

3) I try to be objective about the criticism while recognizing that another's opinion is only one opinion, and having a title in front of one's name doesn't necessarily mean they have the last word. Once in a poetry class, the teacher was adamnant that a certain poem was about a baby. The class agreed with him, I think because he spoke with such authority. I finally spoke up and said that I thought the poem was about sex. When the writer got to talk she said that I was right. So it helps to remind myself that sometimes people can be wrong about my work.

4) I tell myself the kind of things a nurturing friend or parent would say. I usually do this while I'm drifting off to sleep. (Learning to parent ourselves with love works in a lot of situations).

5) I keep a file folder of cards and past positive comments. Every once in awhile I'll take them out and read "kudos" for past accomplishments. That puts everything back in perspective.

6) I recognize self-doubts as normal, but also very dangerous. Self-recrimination serves no positive function, so I try to avoid it at all costs.

7) Get mad (but never at myself!) and go back to work.